Short text extracted from the Italian version of my book "Napapiiri, return to the wild - My Walden "
To White Wolf (Lupa blanca)
"It was like a sudden headache. A sincere and profound feeling arose for an elusive wild wolf called by me "Lupa blanca", this for the indissoluble bond of symbolic love that united me to her after meeting her in a silent forest north of my hut. I called her "blanca" because her cloak was candidly white and, as in any non-human being, her heart was free of masks and lies. There was a special love, I would say indescribable and profound. Perhaps it was her pure and absolute wildness, her ever-worn-out, her loving-kindness, her elegant attitude, all in bloc .... I do not know. What I know is that in any case I have lost her passion for her. Lupa of Blanca was, for me, a unique, unrepeatable being who, with gentle leaps, disappeared in the shadowed forests of the taiga, as if to remind me of the evanescence of our ephemerals ever as false "certainty". It was a sublime attraction. I felt a sincere bond that united me to its deep soul. The days spent with his spirit continually referred to his being. Sometimes I came to "associate" her with many events, finding, in the most disparate recesses of reality, her features and her loving-kindness. I came to think of time in another dimension so much that I felt that I had always known and lived it. I've been with her in indescribable significant moments and I do not think I fall into rhetoric if I say the most beautiful ones. It was all very intense, passionate, infinite, and there was, among us, a kind of elective affinity. It was for me something unmistakable. White lupa was always in my spirit and, thanks to its existence, my life could continue its pleasant course.
One evening, near a fire, the White Lupa approached, clenched at me with his candid cloak and transmitted a lot of telepathic energy so intense that caused me a fervid vital thrill. Then she turned around the fire, looked at me, waved briefly and with a leisurely leap over the trunk I sat and quickly returned to her forest. That great love for Lupa Blanca was teaching me many things, perhaps the most important of life, and it was my heart to rise to the highest peaks of feelings. I reflected long, at times I bitterly wondered what Lupa blanca wanted to make me ideally understand. The destruction of the earth, the end of the forests, the alienation of feelings of love and understanding. With his direct example and with those he electronically conveyed to me, I gradually began to understand better and more thoroughly the many warning signs about destroying the wilderness of the earth.
White lupine was the absolute sublimation of pure wildness, and it also made me feel the harmonious melody that could vibrate between the spirit of the peoples, the unity between man and nature. He seemed to want to reconnect a brutally bound ties of man to the soul of life. Lupa Blanca created with me an indissoluble feeling also because I read in her deep eyes a passion of great truth and, when they seemed shiny, I imagined that they too moved for me. It was practically born an endless transpersonal love where Lupa Blanca recited the part of the sensorial spirit of the female and I, of course, the male, whose sensitivity could only be taken to the gift. It was precisely this: in fact, the female soul generally allows the good sense of good that can reign in the soul of being.
One evening, tired and fatigued, after a long day of walking and work, I fell exhausted beside the fire that I could hardly turn on to cook something; In the next dormant I had a swirl of dreams many of which the next day I did not remember them at all, but, some scenes in which I and Lupa blanca were running free and fairy in the forest of fir trees, I found them all crisp and pointed in the resting mind of the morning And it was a single acting within me, while my thought was always for Lupa blanca, a beautiful inuit love song I had known for many years ... .. "This night I dreamed of you. In the dream I walked on the shores of the shore, and I walked with you. I dreamed you, and it seemed like I was awake: I pursued you, I wished you, and you were desirable ...... So I dreamed you, so desirable. “
Many moons passed and, except for a few breaks, I often crossed the globe of Lupa Blanca, though at times the life events led us far away or made our otherwise almost common paths change. When we came back to him after some time his jostling of joy and my tears of jubilation were the most exciting moments of the encounter; Then Lupa Blanca often ran on the banks of a lake or seemed to play hide and seek in the colonnades of the centuries-old fir trees. I was trying to follow her, to observe her, to rejoice with her, and every now and then to be honest, even in those moments of positivism, she started in my own kind of failure because I was thinking or better to remember that Lupa blanca was a lupa Wild and sooner or later he could have taken his own road that would have led him to the shores far from mine. Those moments of sudden pain came to me, not least, even though I understood the real possibility of the event. I remember that one day as the rain came down hard, Lupa blanca passed by my hut, sniffed the air, turned to me that in the meantime I had rushed to the door and, as not to make it look like a sort Of farewell, he walked away without paying any attention. I remember my moments of panic when I saw her vanish in the forest ...... I turned around, shouted her name, ran into the woods and Lupa blanca was gone .... I went back unconsciously into the hut and gathered myself into an intrinsic pain. I thought I would never see it again. I do not know why, but I got that feeling. It was weeks of suffering, of sad sadness, of abandonment of myself ... ..and then suddenly one night, it was a starry night, I heard her groaning not far from the hut. I went out of my way and ran almost without direction, and under the great shadows of the trees illuminated by the clear moonlight, the white Lupa blanca appeared as an angel wrapped in a symbolic phosphorescent mantle. I ran into meetings, I ran into courses, and when I got to one meter from me, he lifted up with his hind paws and leaned the front ones on my shoulders. I embraced it with all the strength I had and I could not hold the emotion and long lines of tears went down on my cheeks. It was yet another moment of joy that Lupa blanca offered to me in total spontaneity.
She spent a few weeks, then someday what I had long since thought of took more vigor in my heart. I was thinking: White lupa is a free being, why do I keep it tied to me that maybe I no longer have my own wild side? It was not a bond of strength, it was a "pact" of love, but what did I actually give it to? Nothing. Just nothing. He was a white man who gave everything to me and for me nothing. I went into a tunnel of deeply disconcerted, calm resignation and thought that perhaps it was better for me to disappear from her to let her fly on the wings of her freedom. It was true that my presence was strongly accepted by the lover who in his own way certainly loved me, but do you know if in all this he found some suffering or impediment in the deployment of the rhythms of his existence? I had doubts, uncertainties, existential contortions ... ..but then I made a mistake, because Lupa Blanca was always spontaneously presenting to me.
She spent a few weeks and there were many events that happened. One day Lupa Blanca had caught a fork-head and found it near the bed of the river as he stubbornly stopped the meat. I approached myself and her, but, ignoring me completely, she went on doing it. I, in turn, took the fishing rod and, once again, reached the river, in less than a quarter of an hour, I caught a couple of pounds trout. I cooked it right on the banks of the river, while Lupa blanca, about a dozen yards away, having finished her meal, had leaned to one side and occasionally gave me a glance. When the trout was well cooked and partially smoked, I poured a piece to the lupa that without too much enthusiasm ate it very calmly. She was probably happy or did not want to give me the satisfaction of eating a bite offered by me. Obviously, these were joking thoughts, but they merely helped to unite our bond of special friendship.
A few days later a fact happened, so to change, a bit strange. It was early in the morning and I was near the lake to observe with the telescope the wild boars and wild swans that enriched, with their amenity and harmonious presence, the beauties of that water-mirror, the water's mirror throughout its perimeter From a majestic forest made of pines silvestri, spruce, birch and alder. While it was intent on that pleasant task, Lupa Blanca came in, with such a sweeping trend that I did not notice his coming. She carried her with a mouthful of birch twig with gems and, approaching me, laid it on my left flank. Then, leaving a few meters to get into the undergrowth, he picked up a pine cone and made the same gesture. Then, back into the woods, after a few minutes brought me a pine cone. And he always did the same gesture. I missed my ornithological observations and, amazed at that behavior, called me Lupa Blanca and I asked, obviously fictitiously (I did not really think he could understand my talk) what he wanted to make me understand. I did not show any reaction to my saying and slept quietly to a meter from me. I pondered for a few minutes, then I got up, picked up the three "finds" and instinctively went to buried them at the edge of the woods. Obviously my fantastic interpretation was that the gesture wanted to symbolize the renewal of forest life and at the same time safeguarding its existence. I was spontaneous to wonder how Lupa blanca conceived of something like that, but I easily came to the conclusion that all his ritual gestures, perhaps, did not mean anything, but I liked to think that instead they were a warning, a subtle warning, about the destruction of Forests that proceeded in the world at an incalculable pace. Obviously the immense taiga was in full swing, like tropical forests, subject to uncontrolled destruction, and day after day, giant immense green dunes, dropped below the "dark" of modern bulldozer trees.
It was an unpleasant feeling, but unfortunately it was too truthful. The wild world was no longer present in the human mind, and the immense gifts that nature offered to us were seen only as something external to be exploited for the most unnecessary necessity of an unbalanced society, a society that saw only and exclusively The so-called "development". The unhealthy mind of man always conceived him constantly, otherwise the system would be blocked.
My, at that point, was a double interpretation. The first, the symbolic of Lupa blanca's behavior, probably of my imagination, the second, the realistic and unfortunately unstoppable, which was tending to the utmost solemnity of mankind, now exaggerated by an immeasurable globalization. For a long time, it was a unique, yet unequal, society that did not save any part of human beings and the entire planet earth!
Another small event caught my attention. I was heating me the soup of the evening before, when I was knocking on the door when I was in the door. It was Lupa Blanca, probably from time to time, but with my affair in the kitchen, I had not seen her presence. I opened the door and, taking with me the gavet filled with steaming soup, I went to sit on the outside bench, while Lupa blanca, after approaching me, headed to the nearby fire point where she had laid a recently caught white hare . I looked at her, I put the lock and told her she wanted to take care of my food menu now. I was a bit perplexed, then I took the hare, wiped it as it was, and turned on the fire. Before baking it in the chest I cut a nice cut and gave it to her. He did not hesitate for a moment and vehemently took his merited portion. I gave up on my soup (it seemed to me a bit lazy to not accept his lunch) and I gladly eat that delicious bacon that I had been bestowed upon.
Another beautiful example of fraternal friendship from Lupa blanca was offered to me one day when, on the sunset, she came to my hut with a dynamic and full of energy. In itself there would be nothing strange as its vital force was always clearly expressed in its overall way of acting. But the mystery was that I felt deeply melancholy that day, and I had an anguished feeling inside me without any apparent triggering cause. I was down the rope and nothing more. Lupa Blanca, on the other hand, came with an extremely dynamic point, more dynamic than its normal acting. He turned around and repeatedly, waving in questioning, seemed to wonder what was happening to me. There was practically a real telepathic connection between us. I was immobile, looking at it with a mixture of curiosity and wonder. The lover approached me, pulled me lightly for my pants as if to invite me to follow her. I interpreted that event as a "delayed outburst" so that after that attempt to shake me out of my torpor, she hesitated on her as I did not have any reaction on my part. But shortly thereafter Blanca insisted on her intent to "drag me" somewhere and, in the end, I took it from the event. I followed her along the short path leading to the lake and stopped abruptly looking at the other shore. A fireball illuminated the area of a purple red, while a fresh, crystalline air circulated around it. I witnessed those two simple events: White Lupa gazing at the sun at sunset and the light pulsing softly. The white lupine began to wail as the sun was shutting behind the "great wall" of the fir trees. I was at that moment without thinking, and my previous malignancies, perhaps because they were distracted by those special events, drew me away slightly. Then, when the sun set and Lupa blanca ceased to cry, a great silence surmounted the scene, but by now the concert he had been invited to listen to was about to appear in all its forms. A sudden windswept shake the immobile stasis of the trees, while the strollers in the lake emitted their questioning and laughing lupines. The declinating brightness made the landscape more and more opalescent, and at that point the lupine turned to me and turned again to the dying lake of light. We stayed in that state for about half an hour and I was feeling a sort of anxiety when, as if it were a sudden appearance, the ecstatic concert joined the moon's fullness. At that point, things became clear to me: Lupa Blanca wanted to make me realize that life is structured with a variant and multiform pattern and there is no point in time that the situation is not rich in strong and varied forms and contrasts. Similarly, even the life of the individual had these connotative dynamics and there was only one space he was not allowed to enter because it was a space that could not exist: it was that of renouncing the dynamism of life, it was to be melancholic and pessimistic , Was to see things from a single and plausible point of view. It was a clear warning, unmistakable by simple and common events that every day manifested, renewed, in life.
I took a breath, looked at Lupa blanca and once again I noticed his particular sensitivity in carping my sometimes abnormal states of abandonment and quiet sadness. I realized then that in life, even if it is a moment of lost or lost joy, it is joy, it is always around the corner and awaits us with the utmost of its splendor. Pessimism, sadness or resignation also comes, but if we listen to the free deployment of wild life, the joy and the positive force of life will always have the upper hand. In nature, terms like melancholy, sadness, pessimism, and others, never find any space to manifest themselves, because they are in deep and incoherent antithesis with the gift of daily existence. The strength of the individual proves when he has to deal with an act of courage and robustness. Lupa Blanca had taught me that what a negative sometimes takes in the soul is normal, but it is just a brief moment of contrast to what is real life and what is the only path to follow. With the restored soul, in the middle of the night, you came back to the hut.
In short, as I have said, all these small events, though not rationally explained, were increasingly approaching my beloved Lupa Blanca, and it seemed to me extremely remote, perhaps for a sort of Froidian removal, that somewhat amenable friendship could suddenly break . There were too many signs and teachings that the lupa gave me, and I was trying to see in each attitude, even small, what meaning it was concealed, if that meant.
On another occasion, I walked along the woods with the lupa that followed me like a puppy man. I always seemed so strange to her confidence, so that I once did a try. As we proceeded on the edge of a marsh distanced thirty feet, I stopped and called her to me; Immediately, with a militant obedience, he quickly came to me and plucked like nothing. A real apparent domesticated behavior.
In the meanders of events one day I finally came to think that Lupa blanca was not a wild lupa, but perhaps escaped by some alleged "owner" who, having taken her as a puppy, was now in the company of the human company. But his way of doing easily revealed this my unconvinced thought. He was a very skilled hunter, disappearing for weeks to suddenly reappear as he liked; She maintained, despite her apparent docility, an expression and a way of acting that gave her all the features of being wild and although I was trying to describe her behavior, I never found the right attributes in the depths. I was inevitably limited by my own concepts of being secularly domesticated.
In short, the days spent abruptly and I always felt enthusiastic and proud of having as a companion, albeit not constant, a wild lupa. Sometimes I wondered whether the whole thing was true or the simple fruit of my "stubborn" fantasy. From time to time I was wondering if Lupa Blanca was a lonely being, as I saw her, or belonged to a pack she used to frequent when she was often absent from my hut. Probably, given his strength and character, he was an alpha female and at his will decided when he had the opportunity to get away from his group to come to me. I did not know, but I was doubtful about his total loneliness with his fellow men. But in any case, I never saw her with another wolf.
However, as a whole, that tangible connection with Lupa blanca, as I have already said, at some moments seemed to me extremely strange and I did not notice, I repeat, the significance of the situation, especially by the behavior of the permit.
Several weeks passed and they were at least six months old that Lupa Blanca was often with me. But with the time it was spent, though I felt lying on the laurels, I went back to that crisis, perhaps unjustified, but in any case pervaded all my being. Was it really good that Lupa blanca was all that time along with my mediocre domesticity? My doubts became more and more concrete, even though I did not notice anything strange in the behavior of the beloved lupa. But after a five-day absence, when she came back, she found me in a state of no-mind, absent, sitting on the bench that surrounded the spot. White lupine, as he used to be, turned around, gave me a little guess followed by a brief nod, as if to tell me to "wake up" and I, in that circumstance, showed you some sort of coldness, even if the term was a po'esagerato. Then, perhaps caught in a deep sense of guilt, I do not know, I looked at her intentionally to drive her out violently, but I stopped, because my spirit did not feel her moving away ... ... But some time later, suddenly , On a spring day, the melting of the last snow, while Lupa blanca, after a two days absence, came to me, in a kind of trans, I shouted, intimated, branded a stick and continued to scream excess. She was obviously surprised by her astonishment, and with a trot not overly supported, she went away, taking the direction of the forest ...... The next day there was no trace, and then I took advantage of filling my travel bag with The intention to land, temporarily, in an extremely remote place where Lupa blanca could not reach me .......... Time would do the rest ... ...! "